I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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