..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
