He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
