You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
