We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
