Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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