When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
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The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
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I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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