OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
