Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
