last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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