Screwed.edu
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
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