He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
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