an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
