I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
