At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
