How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
