Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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