she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
