How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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