Duck Duck Cougar?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
