took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
