Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
