Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
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His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
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I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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