i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
