hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
