so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Randomize
