I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
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