I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
