nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
