Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
