i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Randomize
