mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i love accidental penises.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
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I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
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Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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