eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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