just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
