I wannas sexs uuuuu
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Come share oat with me in your robe
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
