i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
