Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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