she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
