hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
