Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
