I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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