The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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