He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
