HIV tests are more positive than that guy
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
