i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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