peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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