so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
