Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
