I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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