Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
