I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
