I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
