I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
