dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
the liver wants what the liver wants
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
