SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
