Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize