I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
