And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
