I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
