My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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