Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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