I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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