first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
