Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
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