Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize