Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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