I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
