Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
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