Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
the condom got lost in my hair
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
