I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
