You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
