I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
