Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
