Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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