Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
