Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
