ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
People with herpes should wear stickers.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
