I'm eating all of the evidence.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize