Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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