seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
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Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
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My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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