I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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