tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
