ugly people sure do ruin things
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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