Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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