hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
